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Old 08-14-2007, 04:47 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Starts slow, but ends with tears! LMAO

Hair Removal....This is funny. (I don't have a clue as to who wrote this,
but....WHAT A HOOT!)...................

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
Read on.........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play
with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind
for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the
medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those
"cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips
together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them
to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am
mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck
together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out
the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I
lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It
works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body
hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak
back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop
my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my
bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the
inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and
spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I
hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so
much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory
that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch... I am
touching wax!!

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now
covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG
mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need
to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think
to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"
What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand
into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should
melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is
having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself
to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago
to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret
of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt
and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but
she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where
the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and
she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go
through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a
razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot
wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving
the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a
major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress
counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the
lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and... OH MY
GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of
my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!!

It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief
and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL HERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......
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Old 08-14-2007, 04:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Starts slow, but ends with tears! LMAO

LOL... sounds like some dumb $hit Id do.
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Old 08-14-2007, 04:53 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Starts slow, but ends with tears! LMAO

That's what I was thinking. LOL, jk.
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Old 08-14-2007, 04:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Starts slow, but ends with tears! LMAO

OMG ROFLMAO and peeing with tears.
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Old 08-14-2007, 05:00 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Starts slow, but ends with tears! LMAO

Ive found in personal experience these things never work as planned.
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Old 08-14-2007, 05:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Starts slow, but ends with tears! LMAO

Her butt was stuck to the tub. LOL... that's too much.. lol...
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Old 08-14-2007, 05:10 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Re: Starts slow, but ends with tears! LMAO

BOL

let's get adam.sand in here and force him to read that just because it's LONG lol
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Old 08-14-2007, 05:12 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Starts slow, but ends with tears! LMAO

True dat sister. I got drowsy reading his post. ;) It wasn't lack of interest just too long.
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Old 08-14-2007, 09:07 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: Starts slow, but ends with tears! LMAO

ROFLMFAO!
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Old 08-14-2007, 10:22 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: Starts slow, but ends with tears! LMAO

Thats funny stuff!
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