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Old 07-13-2007, 05:30 AM   #1 (permalink)
I Love Derf! Who Doesn't?
 
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HUMOUR FOR LEXOPHILES

HUMOUR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in
Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in
France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in
Australia: The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
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Old 07-13-2007, 05:40 AM   #2 (permalink)
Just imagine Derf
 
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Re: HUMOUR FOR LEXOPHILES

Good stuff
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Old 07-13-2007, 05:41 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Re: HUMOUR FOR LEXOPHILES

If you don't know what a lexophile is, you probably aren't one.
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Old 07-13-2007, 05:43 AM   #4 (permalink)
I Love Derf! Who Doesn't?
 
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Re: HUMOUR FOR LEXOPHILES

Quote:
Originally Posted by billable View Post
If you don't know what a lexophile is, you probably aren't one.
HAHA!
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Old 07-13-2007, 05:46 AM   #5 (permalink)
Mr. b
 
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Re: HUMOUR FOR LEXOPHILES

~I think I would like to be one - yes?~
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Old 07-13-2007, 05:49 AM   #6 (permalink)
Just imagine Derf
 
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Re: HUMOUR FOR LEXOPHILES

I knew Belvy would appreciate that one.
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Old 07-13-2007, 06:02 AM   #7 (permalink)
I Love Derf! Who Doesn't?
 
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Re: HUMOUR FOR LEXOPHILES

Quote:
Originally Posted by mr belvedere View Post
~I think I would like to be one - yes?~
TOOooooo Late! You Are One!:love:
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Old 07-13-2007, 09:08 AM   #8 (permalink)
I'm Banned
 
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Re: HUMOUR FOR LEXOPHILES

I love those!
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