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Old 01-23-2007, 08:37 AM   #1 (permalink)
I love Derf!!
 
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Warning for the guys & Laugh for the girls

Women will understand this and the men should memorize it!
The Hormone Hostage

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man
has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is
a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet
of every husband,boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

The order they are shown:

DANGEROUS:

SAFER:

SAFEST:

ULTRA SAFE:


What's for dinner?

Can I help you with dinner?

Where would you like to go for dinner?

Here, have some wine.


Are you wearing that?

Wow, you sure look good in brown!

WOW! Look at you!

Here, have some wine


What are you so worked up about?

Could we be overreacting?

Here's my paycheck.

Here, have some wine.


Should you be eating that?

You know, there are a lot of apples left.

Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?

Here, have some wine.


What did you DO all day?

I hope you didn't over-do it today.

I've always loved you in that robe!

Here, have some more wine.

13 Things PMS Stands For:


1 Pass My Shotgun

2 Psychotic Mood Shift

3 Perpetual Munching Spree

4 Puffy Mid-Section

5 People Make me Sick

6 Provide Me with Sweets

7 Pardon My Sobbing

8 Pimples May Surface

9 Pass My Sweat pants

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one.

13. Potential Murder Suspect
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Old 01-23-2007, 11:06 AM   #2 (permalink)
I love Derf!!
 
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Re: Warning for the guys & Laugh for the girls

lol
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Old 01-23-2007, 12:53 PM   #3 (permalink)
My mom loves Derf!!
 
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Re: Warning for the guys & Laugh for the girls

My husband has been well trained, uh i mean is very sensitive to me and my needs and is incredibly generous in how he treats me!

except this morning, when i said "honey, i think my life's dream is to work at starbucks" and he came back with "that's not very realistic"... I wanted to scratch his eyes out! it is a dream, and it's MY dream, it doesn't have to be "realistic".

Instead of scratching his eyes out though, i took a deep breath and said "i don't want to fight with you or go to work upset with eachother... but i need to know this... who has treated you negatively that you would come down on me about a dream, this isn't like you".
hmmph... he will be thinking about that all day (and how to treat me nicer next time)

sorry, had to get that out!
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"all though a few people have been accepted over there that arent owners but that just means that they have the tan talk personality..which isnt a compliment.. "

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Old 01-23-2007, 04:30 PM   #4 (permalink)
I love Derf!!
 
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Re: Warning for the guys & Laugh for the girls

Wanting to work at Starbucks seems more realistic than, say, dreaming to be an astronaut...
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Old 01-23-2007, 04:42 PM   #5 (permalink)
My mom loves Derf!!
 
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Re: Warning for the guys & Laugh for the girls

thank you! he said it would be a downgrade, after all the work i have done... i was like "one hand, there is the tanning dream" on the other hand "there is the job that PAYS MONEY and i get to drink coffee"... working at starbucks would save me MONEY in the long run on coffee alone.
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"all though a few people have been accepted over there that arent owners but that just means that they have the tan talk personality..which isnt a compliment.. "

__________________BAHAHAHAHA... cracks me up every time!
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Old 01-23-2007, 05:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
I love Derf!!
 
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Join Date: Mar 25 2005
Location: Wilmington NC
Age: 49
Posts: 2,104
Rep Power: 34 Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Warning for the guys & Laugh for the girls

not to mention starbucks has insurance, full benefits, tips, and and STOCK!
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Old 01-23-2007, 05:14 PM   #7 (permalink)
I love Derf!!
 
Mali's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 25 2005
Location: Wilmington NC
Age: 49
Posts: 2,104
Rep Power: 34 Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute Mali has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Warning for the guys & Laugh for the girls

ps... I wanna work at starbucks to, but no nights and no weekends.
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Old 01-23-2007, 06:26 PM   #8 (permalink)
My mom loves Derf!!
 
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Re: Warning for the guys & Laugh for the girls

yeah, the girl i talked to last night said she only has to work 20 hours a week and she gets health, dental, and vision for $17 a check. sign me up. plus, i LOVE coffee and i lOVE starbucks. he knows that... i have starbucks everything! we are doing our kitchen in starbucks decor for goodness sakes! surely this family can do without me for 20 hours a week. and then i was like, okay i don't even need to benefits right now, cause i have them. how bout let me work at starbucks for the simple fact THAT IT IS WHAT I WANT!

i would work for 5 hours a week if they would take me! i would run a starbucks out of the salon if they think i am worthy of a starbucks kiosk! sign me up!
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"all though a few people have been accepted over there that arent owners but that just means that they have the tan talk personality..which isnt a compliment.. "

__________________BAHAHAHAHA... cracks me up every time!
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Old 01-23-2007, 08:41 PM   #9 (permalink)
I love Derf!!
 
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Re: Warning for the guys & Laugh for the girls

didn't hear this at the last stockholders meeting?
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