George Carlin's rules...

HunyBunns · 10-19-2006, 04:58 PM

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain
of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a
dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky ********.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man , they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it,
his *** will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the *******. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread
cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," Ooooh, you're a huge *******.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter"
again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ***. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too ****** exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens.
Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

cametotalktan · 10-19-2006, 05:05 PM

caribbean tan man · 10-19-2006, 05:06 PM

gotta love george!

TanWorldOrder · 10-19-2006, 05:13 PM

It's not George...but good stuff anyway.

HunyBunns · 10-19-2006, 05:15 PM

Quote:

It's not George...but good stuff anyway.

Well, ****. Yet another example of why you can't believe everything you read online.

lewdyju · 10-19-2006, 05:18 PM

Quote:

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ***. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

That is too funny!
I still love his tator **** routine

Nigelappler · 10-19-2006, 06:02 PM

HHEHEHEHEHE :lol:

cametotalktan · 10-20-2006, 05:31 PM

I told my son last nite "your my little tatter tot" He said: please don't eat me. LOL

Nigelappler · 10-20-2006, 05:37 PM

Awww! thats cute.

10-19-2006, 04:58 PM	#1 (permalink)
HunyBunns tanTALK'S Stickiest Bunns Join Date: Nov 12 2005 Location: Indiana Age: 37 Posts: 1,506 Rep Power: 8	George Carlin's rules... New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky ******. New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man , they're pictures of men. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. New Rule: Stop fing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis. New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the ***. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," Ooooh, you're a huge ***. New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your . And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too ***** exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show." New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two. New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting. __________________

10-19-2006, 05:05 PM	#2 (permalink)
cametotalktan I love Derf!! Join Date: Jul 10 2004 Location: california Posts: 4,970 Rep Power: 35	Re: George Carlin's rules... LOL __________________ When I grown up I want to be Angerfant.....

10-19-2006, 05:06 PM	#3 (permalink)
caribbean tan man DERFTALK FBI AGENT Join Date: Jul 29 2003 Location: northeast Age: 32 Posts: 5,167 Rep Power: 31	Re: George Carlin's rules... gotta love george! __________________ someone PM me when a good tanning topic is posted. :lol:

10-19-2006, 05:13 PM	#4 (permalink)
TanWorldOrder Join Date: May 23 2006 Location: Everywhere Posts: 758 Rep Power: 4	Re: George Carlin's rules... It's not George...but good stuff anyway.

10-19-2006, 06:02 PM	#7 (permalink)
Nigelappler I love Derf!! Join Date: Jul 21 2006 Location: LaSalle Posts: 4,354 Rep Power: 15	Re: George Carlin's rules... HHEHEHEHEHE :lol:

10-20-2006, 05:31 PM	#8 (permalink)
cametotalktan I love Derf!! Join Date: Jul 10 2004 Location: california Posts: 4,970 Rep Power: 35	Re: George Carlin's rules... I told my son last nite "your my little tatter tot" He said: please don't eat me. LOL __________________ When I grown up I want to be Angerfant.....

10-20-2006, 05:37 PM	#9 (permalink)
Nigelappler I love Derf!! Join Date: Jul 21 2006 Location: LaSalle Posts: 4,354 Rep Power: 15	Re: George Carlin's rules... Awww! thats cute.

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