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Old 10-18-2006, 09:51 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Company Piolicies.

Company Policy Addendum

Effective Immediately:
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you are dressing poorly, you need to learn to manage you money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the Doctor, You are able to come to work
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for your dead friend, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to the arrangements. In rare cases where the employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stall. At the end of the 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open , and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under “Chronic Offenders Category” Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental Health Policy
Lunch Break
Skinny People get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so they can look healthy. Normal sized people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a slim-Fast
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns. Complaints, frustrations, and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management

The funniest thing about this one is I thought it was a real one from my husbands work until I got to the toilet use one and i thought "Hey there is no way they could enforce this one" My husband boss has reciently "gone off the deep end" so I truely could see him doing this. I thought my husband was going to fall off the couch laughing when he saw how long it took to realize it was a joke.
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Old 10-18-2006, 10:07 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Company Piolicies.

Love it! LOL i'm taking notes
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Old 10-18-2006, 10:08 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Company Piolicies.

Oh my.
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Old 10-18-2006, 12:37 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Company Piolicies.

oh its fuuuunny
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Old 10-18-2006, 12:49 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Company Piolicies.

printing and posting.
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Old 10-18-2006, 01:17 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Re: Company Piolicies.

i would love to know how many people actually post this one on the wall
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Old 10-18-2006, 02:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Company Piolicies.

Quote:
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you are dressing poorly, you need to learn to manage you money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
I LIKE THIS ONE!! LMAO
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Old 10-18-2006, 05:17 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Company Piolicies.

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stall. At the end of the 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open , and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under “Chronic Offenders Category” Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental Health Policy
( I would soooooo do that too!)



muhahahahahhahahahahsmokerscoughhehehehe heheheeh
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Banned "forever" twice ~
yet I can still post here...:lol:
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Old 10-18-2006, 09:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: Company Piolicies.

LMAO /\
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Old 10-21-2006, 10:09 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Re: Company Piolicies.

Quote:
Originally Posted by spraytannedjenn
Company Policy Addendum



Effective Immediately:
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you are dressing poorly, you need to learn to manage you money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the Doctor, You are able to come to work
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for your dead friend, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to the arrangements. In rare cases where the employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stall. At the end of the 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open , and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under “Chronic Offenders Category” Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental Health Policy
Lunch Break
Skinny People get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so they can look healthy. Normal sized people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a slim-Fast
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns. Complaints, frustrations, and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management

The funniest thing about this one is I thought it was a real one from my husbands work until I got to the toilet use one and i thought "Hey there is no way they could enforce this one" My husband boss has reciently "gone off the deep end" so I truely could see him doing this. I thought my husband was going to fall off the couch laughing when he saw how long it took to realize it was a joke.

I am definately going to print this out and post it. Can't wait to see what my employees say. LoL
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