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10-18-2006, 09:51 AM | #1 (permalink) |
Join Date: Jul 13 2005 Location: Pocatello, Idaho Age: 52
Posts: 798
Rep Power: 19 | Company Piolicies. Company Policy Addendum Effective Immediately: Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you are dressing poorly, you need to learn to manage you money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the Doctor, You are able to come to work Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday Bereavement Leave This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for your dead friend, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to the arrangements. In rare cases where the employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stall. At the end of the 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open , and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under “Chronic Offenders Category” Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental Health Policy Lunch Break Skinny People get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so they can look healthy. Normal sized people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a slim-Fast Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns. Complaints, frustrations, and input should be directed elsewhere. The Management The funniest thing about this one is I thought it was a real one from my husbands work until I got to the toilet use one and i thought "Hey there is no way they could enforce this one" My husband boss has reciently "gone off the deep end" so I truely could see him doing this. I thought my husband was going to fall off the couch laughing when he saw how long it took to realize it was a joke. |
10-18-2006, 02:39 PM | #7 (permalink) | |
I'm Banned Join Date: Sep 9 2005 Age: 33
Posts: 1,555
Rep Power: 0 | Re: Company Piolicies. Quote:
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10-18-2006, 05:17 PM | #8 (permalink) |
Join Date: Jan 21 2002
Posts: 2,709
Rep Power: 23 | Re: Company Piolicies. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stall. At the end of the 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open , and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under “Chronic Offenders Category” Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental Health Policy ( I would soooooo do that too!) muhahahahahhahahahahsmokerscoughhehehehe heheheeh
__________________ [IMG]Avatar locations copied, will not show up as pics.[/IMG] Banned "forever" twice ~ yet I can still post here...:lol: |
10-21-2006, 10:09 AM | #10 (permalink) | |
Join Date: Oct 10 2004 Location: SC
Posts: 183
Rep Power: 20 | Re: Company Piolicies. Quote:
I am definately going to print this out and post it. Can't wait to see what my employees say. LoL | |
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