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Old 02-08-2006, 06:22 AM   #1 (permalink)
I love Derf!!
 
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6 AFFAIRS.......

The 1st Affair
>
> A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went
to
> her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and
woke
> up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
> outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove
> home.
>
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
>
> "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
> We had sex all afternoon."
>
> She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying *******! You've been
> playing golf!"
>
>
> The 2nd Affair
>
> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
> having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always
> wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful
> father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the
> ugliest child he had ever seen.
>
> He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look
at
> the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around
behind
> my back?"
>
> The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"
>
>
> The 3rd Affair
>
> A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Jones,
> about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Jones had the
largest
> private part he had ever seen!
>
> "I'm sorry Mr. Jones," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to
be
> cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for
> posterity."
>
> So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home "I have
> something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his
> briefcase.
>
> "My God!" the wife exclaimed,"Jones is dead!"
>
>
> The 4th Affair
>
> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
> front door.
>
> "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over
him,
> then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she
> said," pretend you're a statue."
>
> "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
>
> "Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so
I
> got one for us, too."
>
> No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband
> got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
>
> "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days
at
> the Smiths and nobody offered me a ****** thing."
>
>
> The 5th Affair
>
> A man walked into a tavern, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
>
> "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
>
> "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much
> for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
>
> "A nickel," the barman replied.
>
> "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
>
> The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
>
> The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
>
> The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down
here."
>
>
> The 6th Affair
>
> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said
weakly:"I
> have something I must confess."
>
> "There's no need to, " his wife replied.
>
> "No," he insisted,"I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your
> best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
>
> "I know," she replied,"now just rest and let the poison work."
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Old 02-08-2006, 08:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: 6 AFFAIRS.......

gotta love it........lol

I hope none of those ever happen to me.
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Old 02-08-2006, 08:39 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: 6 AFFAIRS.......

Good one Cayenne! ROFLMAO! :)
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Old 02-08-2006, 08:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Re: 6 AFFAIRS.......

Are you bored Cayenne?
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Old 02-08-2006, 08:49 AM   #5 (permalink)
I love Derf!!
 
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Re: 6 AFFAIRS.......

LOL, No Clubby. Just checked my emails at home this morning and shared the funny ones.
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Old 02-08-2006, 09:24 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: 6 AFFAIRS.......

I could go for a massage, that would be nice.
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Old 02-08-2006, 11:31 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Re: 6 AFFAIRS.......

OMG!!! ROFLMAO!
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Old 02-08-2006, 01:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: 6 AFFAIRS.......

good ones cayenne
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: 6 AFFAIRS.......

funny....
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Old 02-08-2006, 03:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Re: 6 AFFAIRS.......

the statue one is my favorite
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