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02-08-2006, 06:22 AM | #1 (permalink) |
I love Derf!! Join Date: Jan 31 2005 Location: Around the corner Age: 55
Posts: 1,730
Rep Power: 143 | 6 AFFAIRS....... The 1st Affair > > A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to > her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke > up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes > outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove > home. > > "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. > > "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. > We had sex all afternoon." > > She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying *******! You've been > playing golf!" > > > The 2nd Affair > > A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about > having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always > wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful > father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the > ugliest child he had ever seen. > > He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at > the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind > my back?" > > The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!" > > > The 3rd Affair > > A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Jones, > about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Jones had the largest > private part he had ever seen! > > "I'm sorry Mr. Jones," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be > cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for > posterity." > > So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home "I have > something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his > briefcase. > > "My God!" the wife exclaimed,"Jones is dead!" > > > The 4th Affair > > A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the > front door. > > "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, > then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she > said," pretend you're a statue." > > "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. > > "Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I > got one for us, too." > > No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband > got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. > > "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at > the Smiths and nobody offered me a ****** thing." > > > The 5th Affair > > A man walked into a tavern, went to the bar and ordered a beer. > > "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent." > > "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much > for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" > > "A nickel," the barman replied. > > "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" > > The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife." > > The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" > > The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here." > > > The 6th Affair > > Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:"I > have something I must confess." > > "There's no need to, " his wife replied. > > "No," he insisted,"I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your > best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" > > "I know," she replied,"now just rest and let the poison work." |
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