Joke of the Day ~

Sheila in Minnesota · 01-23-2006, 12:51 PM

Almost Identical
Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic," and "My Life" by Bill

Clinton. One smart *** student turned in the following book report, with the
proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor
gave him an A+ for this report:

Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.

Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a ******** artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack S**t.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing.

Sheila in Minnesota · 01-23-2006, 01:00 PM

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005:

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

[ That'll stop 'em. ]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges !
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger
Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

clubtan1 · 01-23-2006, 01:38 PM

cametotalktan · 01-23-2006, 01:56 PM

Dustin · 01-23-2006, 02:08 PM

body tan · 01-23-2006, 05:00 PM

Just a simple question. If a suicide bombers reword is 70 virgins, what is a females suicide bombers reward???????

Mel · 01-23-2006, 05:13 PM

Sheila in Minnesota · 01-27-2006, 12:43 PM

Jesse Jackson got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked in the mirror and noticed he was white from the neck up to the top of his head.

In sheer panic and fearing he was turning white and might have to start
working for a living. He called his doctor and told him of his problem.

The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately. After an
examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to
Jesse, and told him to drink it all.

Jesse did and replied, "That tasted like bull ****!"

The doctor replied, "It was, Jesse. You were a quart low."

MatrixMan · 01-27-2006, 12:55 PM

LMAO!

01-23-2006, 12:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
Sheila in Minnesota Join Date: Jan 3 2002 Location: USA Posts: 1,805 Rep Power: 7	Joke of the Day ~ Almost Identical Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic," and "My Life" by Bill Clinton. One smart * student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report: Titanic: $29.99 Clinton: $29.99 Titanic: Over 3 hours to read Clinton: Over 3 hours to read Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Titanic: Jack is a starving artist. Clinton: Bill is a **** artist. Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. Clinton: Ditto for Bill. Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined. Clinton: Ditto for Monica. Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit. Clinton: Let's not go there. Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry. Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts. Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack St. Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen. Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either. Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death. Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing.

01-23-2006, 01:00 PM	#2 (permalink)
Sheila in Minnesota Join Date: Jan 3 2002 Location: USA Posts: 1,805 Rep Power: 7	Re: Joke of the Day ~ *THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005:* Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [ That'll stop 'em. ] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Not if I wipe thoroughly!] Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!] Miners Refuse to Work after Death [No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!] Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial!] War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!] If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?] Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!] Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!] Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges ! [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?] Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge!] New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!] Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?] Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!] *And the winner is....* Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

01-23-2006, 01:38 PM	#3 (permalink)
clubtan1 Join Date: Jan 31 2005 Posts: 3,317 Rep Power: 42	Re: Joke of the Day ~

01-23-2006, 01:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
cametotalktan I love Derf!! Join Date: Jul 10 2004 Location: california Posts: 4,970 Rep Power: 35	Re: Joke of the Day ~ :) __________________ When I grown up I want to be Angerfant.....

01-23-2006, 02:08 PM	#5 (permalink)
Dustin Official BFF Member Join Date: Feb 10 2005 Location: CO Posts: 5,926 Rep Power: 9	Re: Joke of the Day ~ LOL

01-23-2006, 05:00 PM	#6 (permalink)
body tan Join Date: Feb 9 2005 Location: Georgia Age: 36 Posts: 406 Rep Power: 4	Re: Joke of the Day ~ Just a simple question. If a suicide bombers reword is 70 virgins, what is a females suicide bombers reward???????

01-23-2006, 05:13 PM	#7 (permalink)
Mel Join Date: Jul 26 2005 Posts: 10 Rep Power: 0	Re: Joke of the Day ~ lol

01-27-2006, 12:43 PM	#8 (permalink)
Sheila in Minnesota Join Date: Jan 3 2002 Location: USA Posts: 1,805 Rep Power: 7	Re: Joke of the Day ~ Jesse Jackson got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked in the mirror and noticed he was white from the neck up to the top of his head. In sheer panic and fearing he was turning white and might have to start working for a living. He called his doctor and told him of his problem. The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately. After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Jesse, and told him to drink it all. Jesse did and replied, "That tasted like bull ****!" The doctor replied, "It was, Jesse. You were a quart low."

01-27-2006, 12:55 PM	#9 (permalink)
MatrixMan I'm Banned Join Date: Sep 9 2005 Age: 18 Posts: 1,770 Rep Power: 0	Re: Joke of the Day ~ LMAO!

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