Dustin

TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY

6969 Slippery Root Drive
Droptrouser, NC 22269


Dear John Doe,

We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model
and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.

Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors
feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not portray
a positive, romantic image for our product. A loose baggy and wrinkled
condom is NOT considered romantic.

We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using Polygrip, but even
then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like
to note, however, that yours is the first we've seen that looked like a
bicycle grip.

We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your
application for future consideration, if by chance we decide that there is a
market for micro-mini condoms.

We send greetings and our deepest sympathy.


Yours very truly,

Burley ****, President
TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.

VD/abc

P.S. Remember our slogans:

Cover your stump before you hump.
Don't be silly, protect your Willie.
Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!