Stupid Instructions

jennymae · 09-06-2005, 07:29 PM

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

jennymae · 09-06-2005, 07:36 PM

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the **** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

People who are willing to get off their *** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Screw off. What good is a cake if you can't eat it? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?

When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the **** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No stupid, I paid $9.00 to come to the theatre and stare at the frigging ceiling up there. What did you come here for?

When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know smart ***, you frigging pulled me over.

When people say "Life is short." What the ****?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What? Are they going to do something that's longer?

When people ask "Can I BORROW a piece of paper?" Sure, but please don't return the favor! It's one piece of paper!

When you are waiting for the bus and someone ask you "Did the bus come yet?" If the bus came I would not be standing here?

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?

jennymae · 09-06-2005, 07:36 PM

[ This Message was edited by: jennymae on 2005-09-06 19:01 ]

mr belvedere · 09-06-2005, 07:48 PM

ROFLMAO, seriously!! Made me blow a snot bubble and everything!! (Sick I know, but I laughed that hard!)

jennymae · 09-06-2005, 08:03 PM

Glad I can make snot come out of your nose!!!! I knew I was good for something.

howardtheduck · 09-07-2005, 09:16 AM

good stuff. needed that this morning. I blew a snot out of my eye. :^D

COCONUT · 09-07-2005, 09:29 AM

very funny!!

tanthisbak · 09-07-2005, 01:18 PM

I needed that laugh today. Thank You. OMG i'm still chuckling, all alone in the store. ALONE!!!

jennymae · 09-08-2005, 09:05 AM

I thought they were very funny. So how do you blow a snot out of your eye? That is defiantly something I want to learn

mr belvedere · 09-09-2005, 01:37 AM

Watch this!! (Famous last words)

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09-06-2005, 07:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
jennymae Join Date: May 31 2005 Posts: 37 Rep Power: 0	Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods... On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this...) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

09-06-2005, 07:36 PM	#2 (permalink)
jennymae Join Date: May 31 2005 Posts: 37 Rep Power: 0	People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the ** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is? People who are willing to get off their * to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Screw off. What good is a cake if you can't eat it? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead? When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the ** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No stupid, I paid $9.00 to come to the theatre and stare at the frigging ceiling up there. What did you come here for? When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know smart , you frigging pulled me over. When people say "Life is short." What the ***?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What? Are they going to do something that's longer? When people ask "Can I BORROW a piece of paper?" Sure, but please don't return the favor! It's one piece of paper! When you are waiting for the bus and someone ask you "Did the bus come yet?" If the bus came I would not be standing here? People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?

09-06-2005, 07:36 PM	#3 (permalink)
jennymae Join Date: May 31 2005 Posts: 37 Rep Power: 0	[ This Message was edited by: jennymae on 2005-09-06 19:01 ]

09-06-2005, 07:48 PM	#4 (permalink)
mr belvedere DERFERATOR Join Date: May 10 2005 Age: 39 Posts: 8,591 Rep Power: 52	ROFLMAO, seriously!! Made me blow a snot bubble and everything!! (Sick I know, but I laughed that hard!)

09-06-2005, 08:03 PM	#5 (permalink)
jennymae Join Date: May 31 2005 Posts: 37 Rep Power: 0	Glad I can make snot come out of your nose!!!! I knew I was good for something.

09-07-2005, 09:16 AM	#6 (permalink)
howardtheduck Waiting Confirmation Join Date: Dec 17 2004 Posts: 257 Rep Power: 0	good stuff. needed that this morning. I blew a snot out of my eye. :^D

09-07-2005, 09:29 AM	#7 (permalink)
COCONUT ~THE ORIGINAL COCO~ Join Date: Sep 2 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 6,224 Rep Power: 18	very funny!!

09-07-2005, 01:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
tanthisbak Waiting Confirmation Join Date: Jun 10 2005 Posts: 587 Rep Power: 0	I needed that laugh today. Thank You. OMG i'm still chuckling, all alone in the store. ALONE!!!

09-08-2005, 09:05 AM	#9 (permalink)
jennymae Join Date: May 31 2005 Posts: 37 Rep Power: 0	I thought they were very funny. So how do you blow a snot out of your eye? That is defiantly something I want to learn

09-09-2005, 01:37 AM	#10 (permalink)
mr belvedere DERFERATOR Join Date: May 10 2005 Age: 39 Posts: 8,591 Rep Power: 52	Watch this!! (Famous last words)

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