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Old 01-27-2005, 12:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
I love Derf!!
 
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A reference guide to what guys really mean when they say something

"I'm going fishing."
Really means...
I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in
complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."
Really means...
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...
"Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means...
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means...
"I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more> exercise lately."
Really means...
"The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late."
Really means...
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, Dear."
Really means...
"Are you still talking?"

"You expect too much of me."
Really means...
"You want me to stay awake."

"It's a really good movie."
Really means...
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars and Heather Locklear."

"That's women's work."
Really means...
"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"Will you marry me?"
Really means...
"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means...
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about> you, and got you
these roses.
Really means...
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"I do help around the house."
Really means...
"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means...
"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
Really means...
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"
Really means...
"What did you catch me at?"

"I heard you."
Really means...
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means...
"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."
Really means...
"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I brought you a present."
Really means...
"It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."

"I missed you."
Really means...
"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means...
"No one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."
Really means...
"I make the messes, she cleans them up."

"This relationship is getting too serious."
Really means...
"I like you more than my truck."

"I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means...
"I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
Really means...
"If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."
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Old 01-27-2005, 01:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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True, oh how true! Ok guys, let's see a guide for us women.
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Old 01-27-2005, 02:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
I love Derf!!
 
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You must be joking?
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Old 01-27-2005, 02:22 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Right Sherin...like WE have any faults???
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Old 01-27-2005, 02:25 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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What Women mean when they say:

FINE
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING

This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT

This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".
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Old 01-27-2005, 03:08 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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When asked what is wrong and I say "NOTHING", don't press the issue. If there's truly NOTHING wrong then everything's cool, but if you keep insisting that SOMETHING is wrong, you are in for it. What may have started out as nothing is now turning into something because you are bugging me. If I want to tell you I will, and I will tell you in my own time. If you really INSIST on knowing right now, what is wrong, then when I DO tell you, please don't get upset with me because the NOTHING that was wrong with me before involves YOU! And PLEASE don't turn the tables and make it MY fault!

When I ask your opinion on something that I want to do, don't tell me "Do whatever you want" and then make a big deal out of it, because I really know that you mean NO!
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Old 01-27-2005, 03:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
I love Derf!!
 
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Join Date: Aug 10 2004
Location: Puget Sound
Posts: 2,870
Rep Power: 19 Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute
Leave it to Ram to have that big of a list!
Tigers...Whose side are you on???
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Old 01-27-2005, 03:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Who's side? Mine and yours. Twenty two years of marriage is alot of experience. Don't you ever get the "whats wrong"?
and to avoid a fight you don't tell him, then he insists so you tell him, then he gets mad at you for whatever it is that's bothering you and turns it all around to be YOUR fault?
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[ This Message was edited by: tigers1962 on 2005-01-27 15:33 ]
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Old 01-27-2005, 03:31 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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YES MY DEARS!!!!!

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Old 01-27-2005, 04:09 PM   #10 (permalink)
I love Derf!!
 
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Join Date: Aug 10 2004
Location: Puget Sound
Posts: 2,870
Rep Power: 19 Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute Sherin has a reputation beyond repute
Been there, done that...I only lasted 17 years!
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