Ramcat\'s Wife\'s 40th wedding Anniversay Diary

Sherin · 01-06-2005, 05:26 PM

Dear Diary,
Day 1 We just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2 Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.

Day 3 This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Something must change soon.

Day 4 A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his "problem". It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac Pills with the Viagra Pills, hoping to lift something other than his mood.

Day 5 What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6 Isn't life wonderful. But it's difficult to write while he's exercising his new found MANHOOD.

Day 7 This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, I have to admit it's very nice -- I don't think I've ever been so happy.

Day 8 I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his "new" friend as a weed whacker. I'm also getting a bit sore.

Day 9 No time to write. He might catch me.

Day 10 Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with Jack Daniels whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....

Day 11 I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete PIG.

Day 12 I wish he was ***. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous...

Day 13 Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill the *******.

Day 14 I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a Nun, but this just seems to make him hornier. Help me!

Day 15 I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go screw himself and he did.

Day 16 The ******* has started to complain about not getting enough. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.

Day 17 Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference...Christ! Here he comes again!

Day 18 Aaaahhhh! He's back on Prozac. The lazy ******* just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss!

ramcat · 01-06-2005, 05:41 PM

40th? HA. That was the first 3 weeks we were married...

Sherin · 01-06-2005, 05:44 PM

She needed to slip you viagra the first 3 weeks?

ramcat · 01-06-2005, 05:47 PM

No viagra, I just chased her constantly till she yelled "quit".

tanshopgrl · 01-06-2005, 05:52 PM

That was so funny!!

ramcat · 01-06-2005, 06:09 PM

What's funny? Except for the Viagra, it's the truth. I still chase her around the house. It is how I get my exersize.

Sherin · 01-06-2005, 06:11 PM

When exactly is that???You must have a wireless mouse & keyboard because you are always on here!

ramcat · 01-06-2005, 06:13 PM

I'm leaving here in 15. Then it is home, dinner and playing with the wife.

sherlynn01 · 01-07-2005, 01:35 AM

funny funny funny!

sunkissedtan · 01-07-2005, 03:08 PM

OMG!! that was sooo funny. I love the part about using it as a weed whacker!!!!

01-06-2005, 05:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
Sherin I love Derf!! Join Date: Aug 10 2004 Location: Puget Sound Posts: 4,765 Rep Power: 10	Dear Diary, Day 1 We just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried. Day 2 Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed. Day 3 This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Something must change soon. Day 4 A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his "problem". It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac Pills with the Viagra Pills, hoping to lift something other than his mood. Day 5 What absolute bliss!!. Day 6 Isn't life wonderful. But it's difficult to write while he's exercising his new found MANHOOD. Day 7 This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, I have to admit it's very nice -- I don't think I've ever been so happy. Day 8 I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his "new" friend as a weed whacker. I'm also getting a bit sore. Day 9 No time to write. He might catch me. Day 10 Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with Jack Daniels whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over.... Day 11 I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete PIG. Day 12 I wish he was *. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous... Day 13 Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill the ***. Day 14 I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a Nun, but this just seems to make him hornier. Help me! Day 15 I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go screw himself and he did. Day 16 The *** has started to complain about not getting enough. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac. Day 17 Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference...Christ! Here he comes again! Day 18 Aaaahhhh! He's back on Prozac. The lazy ***** just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss!

01-06-2005, 05:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
ramcat Join Date: Oct 26 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 3,224 Rep Power: 7	40th? HA. That was the first 3 weeks we were married...

01-06-2005, 05:44 PM	#3 (permalink)
Sherin I love Derf!! Join Date: Aug 10 2004 Location: Puget Sound Posts: 4,765 Rep Power: 10	She needed to slip you viagra the first 3 weeks?

01-06-2005, 05:47 PM	#4 (permalink)
ramcat Join Date: Oct 26 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 3,224 Rep Power: 7	No viagra, I just chased her constantly till she yelled "quit".

01-06-2005, 05:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
tanshopgrl Join Date: Nov 29 2004 Posts: 49 Rep Power: 0	That was so funny!!

01-06-2005, 06:09 PM	#6 (permalink)
ramcat Join Date: Oct 26 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 3,224 Rep Power: 7	What's funny? Except for the Viagra, it's the truth. I still chase her around the house. It is how I get my exersize.

01-06-2005, 06:11 PM	#7 (permalink)
Sherin I love Derf!! Join Date: Aug 10 2004 Location: Puget Sound Posts: 4,765 Rep Power: 10	When exactly is that???You must have a wireless mouse & keyboard because you are always on here!

01-06-2005, 06:13 PM	#8 (permalink)
ramcat Join Date: Oct 26 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 3,224 Rep Power: 7	I'm leaving here in 15. Then it is home, dinner and playing with the wife.

01-07-2005, 01:35 AM	#9 (permalink)
sherlynn01 Join Date: Nov 9 2004 Posts: 76 Rep Power: 0	funny funny funny!

01-07-2005, 03:08 PM	#10 (permalink)
sunkissedtan Join Date: Jul 9 2003 Location: Funky Town Posts: 643 Rep Power: 7	OMG!! that was sooo funny. I love the part about using it as a weed whacker!!!!

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