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Old 01-06-2003, 10:17 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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I came across these and thought how funny some of them would be to use when we get those--Annoying telemarketers that call....Have fun..I know I will


1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder!

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

------------------------
Christina



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Old 01-06-2003, 10:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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wow you really do hate your job.....if you dont like sales calls dont open up shop cmon have a heart those guys have to make money to feed their children just like you probably do to slow your roll hizzoe
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Old 01-06-2003, 10:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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How about your grow your act up a little bit and say no thank you its apart of the biz....
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Old 01-07-2003, 06:34 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Bronzebabe, you stole number 12 from an old Seinfeld episode. If you are going to steal ideas at least give NBC the credit.
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Old 01-07-2003, 07:02 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Love it Christina. If I want to buy something, I will call them. In Indiana we have a no-call list for telemarketers. I LOVE IT!! No calls at home. Too Bad it doesn't work for business.
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Old 01-07-2003, 08:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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No goldenboy I did not steal it I got this list off of a joke website....just copy and pasted it here...
Thought it was funny so I wanted to share what I found... Geez...learn to have a little fun in life!
And for you BronzeDong AKA Bronzeman...you need to relax...I personally cannot stand telemarketers that's just me..SO LIVE WITH IT!!!

Christina
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Old 01-08-2003, 01:22 AM   #7 (permalink)
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The girls who work for me are very good about screening my calls..so good in fact that I have had legitimate calls have trouble getting past them. It really is irritating to be in the middle of something and answer the phone only to hear an overly cheery sing-songy voice wanting to know how I am...like they really give a s$%&. I pay for this phone and I choose who I want to talk to on it.

You go Christina!!

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Old 01-10-2003, 11:38 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Great sense of humor, wish everyone could lighten up. I would love to hear some tanning salon jokes - that would be a hoot!
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Old 01-12-2003, 06:46 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Actually number 12 was indeed a Seinfeld episodes - one of my favorites in fact! I love the idea of asking a telemarketer for their home number!!
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Old 01-12-2003, 07:53 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Had an employee tell me what she did at home once.
Cross Country Credit Card called offering her a card. She proceeded to talk like she was uneducated and lived way way back in the sticks. She said Golly, I bet running cross the country gets you plumb tuckered out. The person said, No Maam, you don't understand. And she just kept coming back with how tired this person should be if they were running across the country.

It was very funny. She was very good at the telemarketer thing.

Once someone called the salon and asked for the owner. she told them that we didn't have an owner. Then they asked for the person incharge of ordering lotions. she told them that we didn't order lotions that they just showed up on our door step.
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