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Old 12-20-2002, 04:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Merry Christmas!!

From: Santa Claus

I regret to inform you that, effective
immediately, I will no longer
serve the States of Georgia, Florida , Virginia ,
North and South
Carolina , Tennessee , Mississippi , Louisiana ,
Texas , and Arkansas
on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the
earth, my contract
was renegotiated by North American Fairies and
Elves (NAFE) Local 209.
As part of the new and better contract I also get
longer breaks for milk
and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be
in good hands with
your local replacement, who happens to be my
third cousin, Bubba Claus.
His side of the family is from the South Pole.
He shares my goal of
delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;
however, there are a few
differences between us.

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your
presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a
bumper sticker that
reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus
prefers that children
leave an RC cola and pork rinds or a moon pie on
the fireplace.
And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a
little snuff though,
so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,
flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of
loaning him a couple of
my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now
overlooks Bubba's

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner
and Blitzen.." when
Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On
Earnhardt, on Andretti,
on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!"
And you also are
likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba
Claus' sleigh does
have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back
with the words "Back

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as
"Miracle on 34th Street"
and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown
in your negotiated
viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg
Saves Christmas" and
and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as
Bubba Claus and dozens of
state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were
you, I'd make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he
bends over to put
presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus
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Old 12-21-2002, 12:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Old 12-21-2002, 09:56 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Very cute Mitzi...

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