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Old 02-21-2002, 10:42 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer been tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the skrew do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No skrewing way.
TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be poopooting me!
TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a poopoo.
TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my skrewing problem.
TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the skrew?
TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This poopoo won't work.
TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the **** didn't you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his ***.
TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat poopoo and die.
TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my ***.
TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
skrew it, I'm on salary.
TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your ***.
TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.
TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the **** died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING:
I see.
INSTEAD OF:
Blow me.
TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the skrew you're doing.
Thank You,
Human Resources
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Old 02-21-2002, 11:02 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I don't have employees yet but I do have some friends that need to clean up there language. I will print this out and see what they have to say about it....lol
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Old 02-21-2002, 12:05 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Mitzi - Thanks for the update on the new company policy. Since I am so small minded is there any way that you can give these to me in smaller doses so that I may comprehend them.
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Old 02-21-2002, 01:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
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LOL Tangirl, I will send you a smaller dose of this later...teehee

I just re-read this after posting it and the filter has worked on it. Imagine the orginal words!!!!

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Old 02-21-2002, 01:54 PM   #5 (permalink)
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LOL Mitzi!

Those are great. And yes, I can just imagine the original words!
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Old 02-21-2002, 04:34 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I kinda like the filtered words better. Maybe I will start using them instead...LOL
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Old 02-21-2002, 04:43 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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I just added it to the new employee hand book I am creating!
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Old 02-21-2002, 07:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Speaking of employee handbook does anyone have one. I have trying to come up with one but it very timely. Any ideas you may want to share?
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Old 02-22-2002, 09:04 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Nichole - Do a search for policies. I posted several of these for everyone to use.
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Old 02-24-2002, 08:26 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Nichole
One key thing to remember is that these are your policies. Be specific.. in other word spell everything out.

-Cleaning Check list
-dress codes
-minimum sales quota(if any)
-code of conduct
-attendance
-policy on tardiness
-employee meetings(if any...but you should have one atleast monthly)
-Mystry shoppers/callers
(rewards and repremands of good and bad results)
-certification of smart tan (if any)
-employee break
-employee tanning
-employee stealing

I usually hold there training pay( first 2 weeks) as a deposit for my key and their 2 uniform shirts I give them. If they are fired I keep there last check and the training fee until the shirt is returned.
I realize it may not be legal but I find it effective.
I also never allow the hand book to leave the shop.

anything else anyone wants to add.??
You should update it often until it covers all the issue indiviual employees bring to your attention.
Mj


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