The Straight Dope on Food and Exercise - tanTALK

tangirl · 01-15-2002, 08:46 AM

If after all the Christmas Food and Beer your starting to consider exercise or dieting here is a few things to ponder:

THE STRAIGHT DOPE ON FOOD AND EXERCISE

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: Animal, Mineral, and Vegetable. We all know that beer and
wine are not animal, and they're not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench press. What did he mean?

A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to re-evaluate your exercise program.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Sorry ... Can't think of a single one. My philosophy is: No Pain-No Pain.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.

CHUNN · 01-15-2002, 09:32 AM

solid · 01-15-2002, 10:09 AM

You know I don't take the time to read these things very often, but I'm glad I did in this case. Very funny!

CBELL · 01-15-2002, 12:50 PM

If only this were true.....

Malibu_Stacey · 01-15-2002, 03:28 PM

Yes I agree CBELL, if only it was that easy! How many of you are on a "New Year" diet?

Very funny though tangirl, I did enjoy it.

Stacey

pam · 01-15-2002, 07:00 PM

So far I have started my new year's diet 15 times. Just can't stay with it this year. I keep telling myself it is because I can't go to the gym now because my shoulder is hurt but in reality I could go and walk or something. Oh well, wonder what tomorrow's excuse will be.........
Pam

BooBop · 01-15-2002, 08:55 PM

I diet at least 2 days a week. Seems to work for me. NOT!!!

TonyaH · 01-16-2002, 11:46 AM

love it...!

01-15-2002, 09:32 AM	#2 (permalink)
CHUNN Join Date: Oct 17 2000 Location: Huntsville, AL Posts: 3,819 Blog Entries: 1 Rep Power: 25	lol

01-15-2002, 08:46 AM	#1 (permalink)
tangirl Join Date: Jul 6 2001 Posts: 1,875 Rep Power: 23	If after all the Christmas Food and Beer your starting to consider exercise or dieting here is a few things to ponder: THE STRAIGHT DOPE ON FOOD AND EXERCISE Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: Animal, Mineral, and Vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they're not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables. Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench press. What did he mean? A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to re-evaluate your exercise program. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Sorry ... Can't think of a single one. My philosophy is: No Pain-No Pain. Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.

01-15-2002, 10:09 AM	#3 (permalink)
solid Waiting Confirmation Join Date: Oct 27 2000 Posts: 2,519 Rep Power: 0	You know I don't take the time to read these things very often, but I'm glad I did in this case. Very funny!

01-15-2002, 12:50 PM	#4 (permalink)
CBELL Waiting Confirmation Join Date: Oct 30 2001 Posts: 13 Rep Power: 0	If only this were true.....

01-15-2002, 03:28 PM	#5 (permalink)
Malibu_Stacey Join Date: Jun 18 2001 Posts: 721 Rep Power: 23	Yes I agree CBELL, if only it was that easy! How many of you are on a "New Year" diet? Very funny though tangirl, I did enjoy it. Stacey

01-15-2002, 07:00 PM	#6 (permalink)
pam I'm Banned Join Date: Oct 29 2001 Location: USA Posts: 3,893 Rep Power: 0	So far I have started my new year's diet 15 times. Just can't stay with it this year. I keep telling myself it is because I can't go to the gym now because my shoulder is hurt but in reality I could go and walk or something. Oh well, wonder what tomorrow's excuse will be......... Pam

01-15-2002, 08:55 PM	#7 (permalink)
BooBop I love Derf!! Join Date: Apr 5 2001 Age: 66 Posts: 7,766 Rep Power: 28	I diet at least 2 days a week. Seems to work for me. NOT!!!

01-16-2002, 11:46 AM	#8 (permalink)
TonyaH Join Date: Oct 24 2000 Location: Alabama Posts: 107 Rep Power: 24	love it...!

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